So, now I’m on a tirade about envious girls. I heard a story over the weekend from my girlfriend, Anna, that got me fired up. Anna has a friend, we’ll call her Jane, whom she met through their mutual friend. Anna liked Jane very much, except for the fact that Jane doesn’t like Anna. Anna of course, cannot figure out for the life of her why Jane doesn’t like her. What’s not to like about Anna? She’s fun and kind and seems like a true, down-to-earth, Saturday-night worthy girlfriend. What else can a girl ask for?
After running through all the possible far-reaching scenarios of why Jane could possibly NOT like Anna, we came to the conclusion that Jane is very much envious of Anna. Either that or she’s just a total bitch. That very real possibility aside, envy, as I mentioned in my last post is a lethal green cocktail of wanting what someone else has for yourself.
In her envious state, Jane excluded Anna from a birthday party for their mutual friend. Anna was shocked. For one, she is very close to this mutual friend, much more so than Jane. For two, Anna thought she and Jane were friends too. However she was shunned. After the party, the mutual friend questioned Jane as to why Anna was not invited. Jane replied lamely that she wanted to keep the guest list small. KEEP THE GUEST LIST SMALL? What a bullshit excuse for excluding Anna. Obviously Jane drank from the green well of envy.
Rightly so, Anna was strongly advised to unload Jane as a friend. Because, really, with friends like that, who needs enemies? Jane sounds like a back-stabbing bitch, so why bother keeping her around? A good spring cleaning of crappy friends that bring you down is good for the soul periodically.
Over drinks, we deviously plotted how Anna can dump Jane. Anna asked my opinion of simply de-friending Jane on Facebook. I told her to de-friend Jane was not enough punishment and shame. When you de-friend someone, visibility to your Facebook page just disappears for them. It's not even obvious unless that person looks for you page or your updates. It's just too passive.
Instead, I want to write a Facebook application that ANNOUNCES when you de-friend someone. God knows my Facebook inbox is filled with these mini apps of nonsense…What Color Are You on the Inside? What 90210 Character are You? Are You a Bitch or a Vixen? What Led Zeppelin Song Are You?
I can’t imagine it’s hard to create a mini app called “I’m De-friending You, Bitch!” (IDFYB). To use it, just enter a person’s name. The IDFYB app will announce on your network and theirs that the hussy has just been dropped not only from your Facebook friend status but also from your life (and good riddance!)
The message will then appear as a permanent wall post and be highlighted in the notifications section. IDFYB will also allow you to forward it to twenty of your Facebook friends so they can join the party and de-friend the person too.
To be clear on why you’re adding a scarlet letter to your de-friended friend’s chest, IDFYB will include several check boxes to choose from in which to explain your justification. For example: Hit on My Husband; Too High Maintenance; Not Saturday Night Worthy; Whiny & Annoying; Back-Stabber, etc.
Wouldn’t that be fun? I know as you're reading this, a girlfriend or two that could benefit from IDFYB has crossed your mind....
And in honor of Anna, I thought I’d add a justification especially for Jane. It would go a little something like this: “Anna de-friended Jane for being such a shallow, envious, backstabbing, write-a-check bitch. My Facebook friend list was getting long, and I wanted to KEEP IT SMALL. Goodbye.”
LOL! I would SO download that app. AND I would recommend it my friends (the ones who aren't bitches, anyway).
ReplyDeleteJust stopping by from MBC...
How about adding to it why you don't accept a "friend" in the first place. See def. of Fakebook. One of the responses could be NYB :)LOL These reasons could be expanded as well.
ReplyDeleteDo you realize how bitchy you sound in your blog? If I didn't know you...that's exactly what I would think. You make it like anyone who is in your close knit group of 3 friends are the only people you care about and everyone else is not "SNW." And you talk about what to do and not to do on a girls weekend and about being jealous of friends. You just make yourslef out to be very snobby and elitist and I'm glad that you have your friends that are worthy of your time - because I can't imagine that many would put up with that. Don't quit your day job... Because hopefully you are a better marketing director than writer.
ReplyDeleteI have never posted anything like this before, but I have been moved to words over an 'anonymous' post I just read. I think that the 'anonymous' poster really has an issue with something that I hope I can help her with. I say her, because she wrote the response, not a he, and I keep saying 'anonymous' because, well I don't believe she is anonymous, just her cowardice.
ReplyDeleteFirstly, a writer's goal is to move people by their words. Whether that writer is a poet, a novelist, a songwriter, or even a child writing for the first time, they all want the same thing, to have people be so moved by their writing that change occurs. Change being thoughts, actions, attitude,etc... In this sense, not only have you, the 'anonymous' poster not only called the original poster a good writer, but a great writer. Merely by your posting that you think she is 'elitist and snobby' proves the point.
Secondly, oh, geez did I respond to YOUR post on here? Well, you must be a better writer than you are a (left blank, fill in job title). I, of course will not be calling you elitist or snobby, even though you have clearly tossed the original poster under the bus as such, putting yourself on quite a pedestal.
Lastly, how do you know the original poster is a 'marketing director'? I can't seem to see that anywhere on here. Man, you are sounding less and less 'anonymous' by the second.