Dog People

Over the weekend, I had the pleasure of some alone time with my dog. First we went to Starbucks together and then swimming. He didn’t point out that I probably shouldn’t have been wearing a bikini. But he also didn’t remind me to apply more sunscreen either.

I adore dogs but I’m extremely partial to big dogs. I’m not a fan of little tiny toy lap dogs that wear clothes and are schlepped around in doggie buggies. How humiliating for the dogs. Those people should just have cats or guinea pigs.

There are people who like dogs and then there are dog people. I am most definitely a dog person. People who like dogs pat your dog on the head if you happen to walk by. Dog people will cross the street to give your pooch a smooch.

People who like dogs usually don’t own one themselves. Or if they do, it’s only because their partner came with one. I feel badly for those people because they don’t have much choice in the matter. Like Samantha’s big, blubbery, sloppy-drooling bloodhound that came with her boyfriend. She likes dogs but definitely did not expect to inherit a dog that requires a towel to be strapped around the neck.

Maverick likes dogs. He had a German Sheppard once. That crazy dog ran loose in the neighborhood and terrorized the neighbors. When we moved away, Maverick willingly gave up his dog. Maverick insisted that was his last dog.

I informed him if he wanted to be with me, I was part of a human-dog package. I had to have a dog. Always. He thought after our first dog died, I’d be over it. Nice try.

We lucked out with another great Golden. Even my non-dog-loving friends like Casey because what’s not to like about an adorable, obedient, brown-eyed, blonde golden? He listens. He fetches. He finds my lost flip-flops. He curls up with me on the couch and keeps me company when I’m alone. He motivates me to exercise. He forces me to be regimented. He loves riding in the car with me. He’s got a wonderful big, black nose and a warm, pink tongue. He likes hugs. He’s my boy.

I often wonder if getting another Golden would double the pleasure or simply be an insane thing to do. I bet you can guess what Maverick thinks about that!

Thanks, friends.

Today, someone called me snobby and elitist in an anonymous comment to my Jealousy & Envy blog post. Wow, that stung…if only for a minute.

Actually, I’m thrilled to receive online feedback because it happens so infrequently. Usually I just get kudos or grief from my readers in person.

I’m not going to defend nor justify my position on this comment. Everyone’s entitled to their opinions both of me personally and my writing. Obviously, this reader has issues with me that have been passive-aggressively addressed anonymously. So even if I wanted to respond personally, I can’t.

But the comment did get me thinking about my group of friends. To be sure, they far surpass a “close knit group of 3”. I do have a circle of girlfriends, some live near by and others are far. Yes, these are “my girls”. My girls are my strength, my rocks, my go-to people. My life is fuller and richer with them in it. I’m positive you know who you are, girls.

You are my source of entertainment and comedy. I love it when you laugh with me. And laugh at me. I love when you poke fun of me and don’t take it too seriously when I tear you up too.

I consider myself very lucky to have a wonderful array of personalities. I love that you are each unique in your own way. I love that we’re very much alike and very different at the same time too.

I love when you agree with me. Sometimes I really need that. But I also love when you completely disagree with me and force me to see the other side.

I love it that even though you live far away, we can always pick right back up where we left off when we talk on the phone. I love that calling & texting enables me to feel like you’re right here.

I love it that we’ve been friends for years and years and our friendship is still very real and relevant.

I love that I can be myself with you. Not Mom or Mrs. Fives, just Tracy. Thanks for listening to me. Even if you’ve heard the same story twenty times. Thanks for going along on this roller coaster journey of life with me in the next seat.

I’m very thankful for all my amazing, wonderful, dynamic, sparkling, fabulous, smart, fun & funky friends. My life wouldn’t be the same without you. I’m fairly confident I tell you how much you mean to me, my friends. But just in case, I can’t say it enough: I love you dear friends.

And to my anonymous commenter, I apologize if I’ve unknowingly slighted you. It was not my intention. And thanks for your concern; I will keep my day job.

My new De-Friending Facebook App

So, now I’m on a tirade about envious girls. I heard a story over the weekend from my girlfriend, Anna, that got me fired up. Anna has a friend, we’ll call her Jane, whom she met through their mutual friend. Anna liked Jane very much, except for the fact that Jane doesn’t like Anna. Anna of course, cannot figure out for the life of her why Jane doesn’t like her. What’s not to like about Anna? She’s fun and kind and seems like a true, down-to-earth, Saturday-night worthy girlfriend. What else can a girl ask for?

After running through all the possible far-reaching scenarios of why Jane could possibly NOT like Anna, we came to the conclusion that Jane is very much envious of Anna. Either that or she’s just a total bitch. That very real possibility aside, envy, as I mentioned in my last post is a lethal green cocktail of wanting what someone else has for yourself.

In her envious state, Jane excluded Anna from a birthday party for their mutual friend. Anna was shocked. For one, she is very close to this mutual friend, much more so than Jane. For two, Anna thought she and Jane were friends too. However she was shunned. After the party, the mutual friend questioned Jane as to why Anna was not invited. Jane replied lamely that she wanted to keep the guest list small. KEEP THE GUEST LIST SMALL? What a bullshit excuse for excluding Anna. Obviously Jane drank from the green well of envy.

Rightly so, Anna was strongly advised to unload Jane as a friend. Because, really, with friends like that, who needs enemies? Jane sounds like a back-stabbing bitch, so why bother keeping her around? A good spring cleaning of crappy friends that bring you down is good for the soul periodically.

Over drinks, we deviously plotted how Anna can dump Jane. Anna asked my opinion of simply de-friending Jane on Facebook. I told her to de-friend Jane was not enough punishment and shame. When you de-friend someone, visibility to your Facebook page just disappears for them. It's not even obvious unless that person looks for you page or your updates. It's just too passive.

Instead, I want to write a Facebook application that ANNOUNCES when you de-friend someone. God knows my Facebook inbox is filled with these mini apps of nonsense…What Color Are You on the Inside? What 90210 Character are You? Are You a Bitch or a Vixen? What Led Zeppelin Song Are You?

I can’t imagine it’s hard to create a mini app called “I’m De-friending You, Bitch!” (IDFYB). To use it, just enter a person’s name. The IDFYB app will announce on your network and theirs that the hussy has just been dropped not only from your Facebook friend status but also from your life (and good riddance!)

The message will then appear as a permanent wall post and be highlighted in the notifications section. IDFYB will also allow you to forward it to twenty of your Facebook friends so they can join the party and de-friend the person too.

To be clear on why you’re adding a scarlet letter to your de-friended friend’s chest, IDFYB will include several check boxes to choose from in which to explain your justification. For example: Hit on My Husband; Too High Maintenance; Not Saturday Night Worthy; Whiny & Annoying; Back-Stabber, etc.

Wouldn’t that be fun? I know as you're reading this, a girlfriend or two that could benefit from IDFYB has crossed your mind....

And in honor of Anna, I thought I’d add a justification especially for Jane. It would go a little something like this: “Anna de-friended Jane for being such a shallow, envious, backstabbing, write-a-check bitch. My Facebook friend list was getting long, and I wanted to KEEP IT SMALL. Goodbye.”

Jealousy and envy

When your close girlfriend shares some exciting news with you, let’s say she just returned from an extravagant vacation in Tahiti, I bet you do the same thing as I do. As I listen to her story, perhaps about details such as the in-room amenities or the expansive view from the balcony, I think how thrilled I am for my friend for having such a wonderful experience. It sounds like such an amazing trip, I wish I could go on that vacation and have that experience too. Damn it, I must admit, I'm a little bit jealous.

To be jealous in that nature is not the same as being envious. I know the two words are used mutually exclusive but I think envy is much worse. And being one of the seven deadly sins, it must be worse if God will kill you for it, right?

Envy is when you see something that someone else has, you don’t like the fact that they have it, you want it for yourself, and you don’t want them to have it anymore. The object of envy can be a material possession, a quality or talentd, an achievement or success, a relationship, or any number of things. In other words, envy is the bitch who doesn’t like you because you are more attractive, richer, smarter, with bigger or smaller boobs, or just have a better life than she does.

Friends can be jealous of each other. We can all admit it. We try not to show it but it’s human nature to desire something someone else has. The key word here being ALSO. When my friend has a wonderful experience, I sometimes want it ALSO. I don’t want it INSTEAD of her. I don’t think I should have it and she should not. I don’t think I deserve it any more than she does. Well maybe I think I deserve it just as much. But not more. Either way, these thoughts may be totally selfish, but it’s hard to control your thoughts.

With envy, the thoughts are usually negative and nasty and lead to bitchy, spiteful behavior. Like not inviting a friend to a party and rationalizing that you wanted to keep the invite list small. Bullshit! You were totally envious of your friend and purposely didn’t include her so she would miss out. So you could have fun INSTEAD of her.

Just the other day, I was told by a friend that she hated me when we first met. She said she was envious of me. That I got all the attention when in fact she wanted all the attention. Does that mean that now that we’re friends, she’s jealous and not envious? I really wasn’t quite sure what to do with that information. Either way, it was an uncomfortable conversation, even for me. My only answer is: don’t hate!

Maybe you disagree with how I use the words jealous and envy, but now you know what I think.