I’m a good mother, wife, daughter and friend. I commute two hours a day. I work hard at a full-time job with a lot of responsibility. I try to always do what’s expected of me. I often put others needs before my own. I make sacrifices every day for the well-being of my family. I try to be a good person and go above and beyond. I try hard to do all the right things all the time.
So, when I want something, I think I deserve it. It’s my mantra and I want to spread the word. You deserve it! Too often, we women deny ourselves. Why?
Why do we girls wait so long between our night out when the guys get together every single week to watch football?
Why do we watch for those gorgeous shoes to go on sale when the guys just run right out and pick up a new TV or computer or phone?
Why do we have to wait for a special anniversary for that piece of jewelry we want when the guys have no problem splurging for themselves on a boat?
Why do we settle for a 3-day trip around the corner when the guys fly off to another country for a week?
Why can’t we have a kid-free Saturday afternoon just for no reason?
Slowly, I’ve been watching my mantra take hold on my girlfriends and I’m proud. One girlfriend splurged on a new ring and told me she “deserved it.” Good for her! Another girlfriend told her husband she was going out and he was going to babysit because she deserved it. Good for her!
Not that I’m proposing we become spoiled bitches. Not at all. I just hate to see the inequities of how men and women view how easily (or not) it is to make ourselves happy.
When a man wants to run to the store to pick up something he wants or needs, he just says “Honey, gotta run out for a bit, be home later!” When a woman wants to run to the store, she has to make sure the man is going to be home, get approval for the trip, and confirm that he will, in fact, watch the kids. Sometimes, that involves making sure the kids are fed or bathed or sleeping before we women can leave!
Furthermore, when a man goes away, he just announces the dates of his trip. End of story. He assumes that everything regarding the house and children will just magically be taken care of while he’s away. When a woman goes away, she has to coordinate all the kid’s schedules, lunches, homework, carpooling etc before she walks out the door. She usually also makes extra babysitting arrangements too just to give her husband a “break” from his “babysitting” duties. It’s a carefully planned itinerary that sometimes takes as much work as coordinating the Inauguration.
Believe me, we women will do whatever it takes to go away, especially when its for a girls vacation. There’s nothing like the freedom from house and children and work and man. It’s well worth whatever coordination is necessary to escape every once in a while. Why? Because I deserve it.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Why can't you see my invisible work?
This past weekend, I wanted to spend my morning relaxing on the couch with a cup of coffee and the Sunday paper. As I settled into my seat and took a moment to breathe, I noticed a cobweb in the corner of my ceiling. After swiping it away with a duster, I then saw three other things that demanded my attention before I sat back down. Before I realized it, my entire morning was eaten up by a dozen other things I had to get done before I actually could sit down and relax.
I realize I fill several hours a day on my weekends doing what a friend coined “Invisible Work.” When I first heard the term, I laughed out loud, I loved it so much. Invisible Work. It’s all the stuff I did around my house each and every day that no one notices gets done except for me.
In a nutshell, Invisible Work is everything we women do every day that’s completely oblivious to our spouses, partners and children. Nobody thanks us for it. It never receives any recognition (unless of course, it’s not done and then it’s visible). It’s the work that fills our day and keeps us from doing what we’d rather do.
IW is putting away laundry, holiday decorations, or sorting socks. IW is going through your kid’s drawer to determine what’s stained, what still fits and what needs to be given away. IW is pulling down everything off the wall unit and cleaning the dust that the cleaning girl doesn’t seem to find. IW is washing the rugs in the bathroom, organizing the pantry, separating the crayons and markers into two containers. Replacing the air fresheners or scrapbooking your kids mementos, your husband’s fishing trip pictures and cleaning out the freezer. It’s writing out your 2009 calendar to ensure you have everyone’s birthdays and anniversaries properly marked. Writing thank you notes, RSVP’ing to the kids invitations. Brushing your dog’s teeth. Wiping down baseboards. Scrubbing paint off the back of the chair. Wiping down the countertops for the tenth time in a day.
Men aren’t as conscious about Invisible Work. They must need special glasses to see it or maybe they’re missing a chromosome for it, but I generally don’t hear about too many men that busy themselves with IW on a daily basis. I can’t imagine many guys who miss Sunday football because they were too preoccupied with IW.
I believe that’s why men and women fight so much. Men think we do nothing all day when women can actually fill their entire life with tons of Invisible Work. IW infuriates the kids too, because it’s all the IW I have to do that keeps me from spending enough quality time with my kids. IW never goes away and there’s always more to do.
That's the perfect arguement for 3-day weekends. I would spend my Friday getting all my IW out of the way, so I actually could read the newspaper and finish my cross-word puzzle. Imagine that...
I realize I fill several hours a day on my weekends doing what a friend coined “Invisible Work.” When I first heard the term, I laughed out loud, I loved it so much. Invisible Work. It’s all the stuff I did around my house each and every day that no one notices gets done except for me.
In a nutshell, Invisible Work is everything we women do every day that’s completely oblivious to our spouses, partners and children. Nobody thanks us for it. It never receives any recognition (unless of course, it’s not done and then it’s visible). It’s the work that fills our day and keeps us from doing what we’d rather do.
IW is putting away laundry, holiday decorations, or sorting socks. IW is going through your kid’s drawer to determine what’s stained, what still fits and what needs to be given away. IW is pulling down everything off the wall unit and cleaning the dust that the cleaning girl doesn’t seem to find. IW is washing the rugs in the bathroom, organizing the pantry, separating the crayons and markers into two containers. Replacing the air fresheners or scrapbooking your kids mementos, your husband’s fishing trip pictures and cleaning out the freezer. It’s writing out your 2009 calendar to ensure you have everyone’s birthdays and anniversaries properly marked. Writing thank you notes, RSVP’ing to the kids invitations. Brushing your dog’s teeth. Wiping down baseboards. Scrubbing paint off the back of the chair. Wiping down the countertops for the tenth time in a day.
Men aren’t as conscious about Invisible Work. They must need special glasses to see it or maybe they’re missing a chromosome for it, but I generally don’t hear about too many men that busy themselves with IW on a daily basis. I can’t imagine many guys who miss Sunday football because they were too preoccupied with IW.
I believe that’s why men and women fight so much. Men think we do nothing all day when women can actually fill their entire life with tons of Invisible Work. IW infuriates the kids too, because it’s all the IW I have to do that keeps me from spending enough quality time with my kids. IW never goes away and there’s always more to do.
That's the perfect arguement for 3-day weekends. I would spend my Friday getting all my IW out of the way, so I actually could read the newspaper and finish my cross-word puzzle. Imagine that...
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