Last night I read an interesting article about dieting. It followed a bunch of people on different diet plans. Some did an all protein diet, some did a Weight watchers diet etc. The results after two years were that all the diets worked relatively the same. The people who lost the most weight and managed to keep the weight off the longest, however, were those who attended weight-loss meetings.
I’ve started my Weight Watchers again this week, so the article was of particular interest. However, I can never stick to attending these meetings and that’s part of my problem. But I just can’t bring myself to do it. I can’t sit in a room and share my weekly struggles with strange women. I can’t vocalize the frustration I feel…how I’ve put on weight and how much that bothers me and why. I recognize I have a problem but don’t want to confide in these women. Plus, many of them are twice my size, so I get an attitude from them anyhow.
Instead, I’ll just have to share with you my pain. I’ve been thinking about what I’m doing wrong and came up with the list of reasons why I’m fat again. I know you’ll understand because I bet you’re the same way about some of these things. Let me know. In no particular order:
I’m a hoarder. Yup, I hide in the pantry and stuff three cookies into my mouth before I walk out with the bag. This dieting methodology equates to: if no one sees me do it, it must not count.
I’m a cooking taster. A cooking taster is someone who has to taste her food as she’s preparing all along the way. Sautee some onions, eat a few, add the ground beef, taste several spoonfuls, simmer the sauce into it, taste with each addition of a new spice, cook the pasta, taste-test several noodles while cooking. Mix it all together, taste, taste, taste. By the time it’s ready, I’ve probably tasted a serving. But then, I sit down to eat my normal-sized (read=oversized) portion.
I’m a salty-then-sweet snacker. I can’t just settle for pretzels today and chocolate tomorrow. No, I have to have two different snacks in the same sitting. Unless of course it’s dark chocolate covered pretzels.
I’m a triple-dipper. Leave me alone with my own vat of my guacamole, and I need each bite of chip loaded with a mound of guac.
I eat until it doesn’t taste good. This is my big weakness. When I eat a meal, I keep eating way past my stomach signaling that I am full. As long as there’s food in front of me and it still tastes good, I keep going. Until I want to unbutton my pants or throw up.
I inhale my food. The dieting rule is to put your fork down between each bite and chew for 30 seconds. Just try getting my fork out of my hand when I’m eating a brownie sundae. There’s not talking, no breathing going on, just an inhalation of my food like a vacuum. And I eat every last bite. Like it’s the last brownie I’m going to see. Ever.
I make good food bad. I love eating a yummy salad. But I like it even better when it’s floating in dressing and loaded with blue cheese, nuts and craisins. Even better, I love a Chili’s salad with fried chicken, bacon and cheese. But if I’m going to eat that, I might as well eat a burger. With bacon and ranch dressing on top, of course. (and fries!)
I love comfort food. A popcorn-sized bowl of noodles with real butter and parmesan cheese. A toasted bagel with full-fat cream cheese and sunny side up eggs with bacon. What could be better for my mood or worse for my body?
I'm completely disgusted with myself as I write this to you. And so ashamed! (Though I bet you're doing it too!) But now that it's out in the open, I'm back to celery sticks and tasteless fat-free Ranch for me. No worries, it sure tastes deelish with my rice cakes on the side. It’s not much fun to eat, but I’ll sure feel better when I’m back in my skinny jeans. At least I’ll have a reason to buy myself another new pair then because, “I deserve it!”
No comments:
Post a Comment