The ex-list and Facebook

Somehow this post got lost in my blog. If you haven't read it yet, enjoy.

This past fall, a TV show premiered called, "The Ex List." The premise was a 30-something protagonist has to find the love of her life within a year or she’ll be single forever. The caveat was that she has to explore all of her past relationships because her future husband was someone she already dated.

I watched the show a few times and thought it was rather incredible how often the protagonist ran into her ex's. I live within an hour's drive of where I finished high school and in the same state as my college, and I almost never bump in to my ex's, thankfully. However, as I continue to Facebook, I realize that all my ex's are hiding out in cyberspace.

However, none of these guys really are ex's. Once you get married, you no longer have ex's. Those guys/boys/men become "old boyfriends" or "a guy I dated" and those terms are not interchangeable.

Lately, there's been lots of debate about catching up with an old boyfriend or girlfriend. Especially as more of my friends dive into Facebook. Is it okay to add him as a friend? Can you innocently IM him too? How about coffee?

There's plenty of resentment that can come from knowing your husband is Facebooking with women from his bachelor days. Or maybe you don't even know. The etiquette of FB between partners seems to be evolving because it's easier than ever to reconnect with everyone from your past.

I just don't care who Maverick Facebooks with. The truth is he doesn't need a website to find a woman with whom to have an affair if he so choosed. He travels weekly around the country and surely has plenty of real face-to-face opportunities. Yes, he may be FB'ing with an old flame with whom he's had hot sex. But that was no earlier than 14 years ago. Am I going to waste my energy worrying about that? I say no. Because there's nothing I can do about it except trust him.It's imperative in every marriage to have trust.

I like Facebook very much for the intended purpose of catching up with old friends and yes, sometimes finding a guy I once dated. There's no harm in that. It's my nature. If I cared about you in my previous life, I like to hear that you're doing well today. It makes me happy to know if you're happy. I like to say hello, recall a few laughs and then say goodbye and get back to my real life. Except of course when you find out though your Facebook conversation that your ex actually lives down the street from you. Then, you might have a problem.