39 is better than 29.

Today is my 39th birthday. I was dreading it, but now that it’s here, it’s not feeling quite as painful as I imagined. A few weeks ago, when I was wallowing in my dread of this day, I wrote a about ignoring my birthday. Today, feeling happier, I thought I’d follow up with some good news about turning 39. In no particular order, here’s why 39 is better than 29:

I smell the roses. A decade ago, I was so busy chasing my dreams and trying to fulfill my life’s purpose, I never stopped to enjoy it. Once I reached a hurdle, there was always another one around the corner. Something else to tackle. Another goal to pursue. Now that I’ve reached the major life milestones, career, husband, family, home, I allow myself the opportunity to sit back and appreciate all the good things in my life.

Acceptance is easier. I’m more accepting of my strength and weakness. I tried for three decades to improve my weaknesses with marginal improvement. Now, I’m focusing on making my strengths shine. I am who I am, good with the bad. I have to accept that, as I’m doing more so now, than constantly trying to better myself at the sake of my sanity.

I’m more comfortable in the grey. Life for me was always black and white, highs and lows. Life revolved around drama and I thrived on it. Because without drama, life moved in the grey. The mundane, boringness of everyday life. I didn’t like being there. I wasn’t comfortable in it. I always needed ups and downs to keep me going and something to look forward to. A dinner date. A vacation. A deadline. Now, I’m more okay with just being.

I’m calmer. If you know me, that’s huge progress. To relax, to do nothing, to just be. To take things in stride. To not over think. To not dwell. To not read into something that wasn’t there. To take things at face value. To not question everything. Even when my body was still, my mind would race at every moment. Now I have more peace in my brain and in my life. Grey is a good color on me now.

I have better relationships. My connections to my family and my friends is what gives meaning to my life. My bond with those that I care about runs deep and is my lifeblood. In my teens and twenties, it was about volume, now it’s about quality.

I’m thankful. I’m thankful for every one who’s impacted my life positively and hope I let you know it. Often. Because if not today, then when? Why wait to say I love you when I’m thinking it now? Maybe I’m mushy. But I consider that one of my strengths.