So, now I’m on a tirade about envious girls. I heard a story over the weekend from my girlfriend, Anna, that got me fired up. Anna has a friend, we’ll call her Jane, whom she met through their mutual friend. Anna liked Jane very much, except for the fact that Jane doesn’t like Anna. Anna of course, cannot figure out for the life of her why Jane doesn’t like her. What’s not to like about Anna? She’s fun and kind and seems like a true, down-to-earth, Saturday-night worthy girlfriend. What else can a girl ask for?
After running through all the possible far-reaching scenarios of why Jane could possibly NOT like Anna, we came to the conclusion that Jane is very much envious of Anna. Either that or she’s just a total bitch. That very real possibility aside, envy, as I mentioned in my last post is a lethal green cocktail of wanting what someone else has for yourself.
In her envious state, Jane excluded Anna from a birthday party for their mutual friend. Anna was shocked. For one, she is very close to this mutual friend, much more so than Jane. For two, Anna thought she and Jane were friends too. However she was shunned. After the party, the mutual friend questioned Jane as to why Anna was not invited. Jane replied lamely that she wanted to keep the guest list small. KEEP THE GUEST LIST SMALL? What a bullshit excuse for excluding Anna. Obviously Jane drank from the green well of envy.
Rightly so, Anna was strongly advised to unload Jane as a friend. Because, really, with friends like that, who needs enemies? Jane sounds like a back-stabbing bitch, so why bother keeping her around? A good spring cleaning of crappy friends that bring you down is good for the soul periodically.
Over drinks, we deviously plotted how Anna can dump Jane. Anna asked my opinion of simply de-friending Jane on Facebook. I told her to de-friend Jane was not enough punishment and shame. When you de-friend someone, visibility to your Facebook page just disappears for them. It's not even obvious unless that person looks for you page or your updates. It's just too passive.
Instead, I want to write a Facebook application that ANNOUNCES when you de-friend someone. God knows my Facebook inbox is filled with these mini apps of nonsense…What Color Are You on the Inside? What 90210 Character are You? Are You a Bitch or a Vixen? What Led Zeppelin Song Are You?
I can’t imagine it’s hard to create a mini app called “I’m De-friending You, Bitch!” (IDFYB). To use it, just enter a person’s name. The IDFYB app will announce on your network and theirs that the hussy has just been dropped not only from your Facebook friend status but also from your life (and good riddance!)
The message will then appear as a permanent wall post and be highlighted in the notifications section. IDFYB will also allow you to forward it to twenty of your Facebook friends so they can join the party and de-friend the person too.
To be clear on why you’re adding a scarlet letter to your de-friended friend’s chest, IDFYB will include several check boxes to choose from in which to explain your justification. For example: Hit on My Husband; Too High Maintenance; Not Saturday Night Worthy; Whiny & Annoying; Back-Stabber, etc.
Wouldn’t that be fun? I know as you're reading this, a girlfriend or two that could benefit from IDFYB has crossed your mind....
And in honor of Anna, I thought I’d add a justification especially for Jane. It would go a little something like this: “Anna de-friended Jane for being such a shallow, envious, backstabbing, write-a-check bitch. My Facebook friend list was getting long, and I wanted to KEEP IT SMALL. Goodbye.”
Showing posts with label Sat. Night Worthy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sat. Night Worthy. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Friday, June 5, 2009
Top 10 Things NOT to Do on Your Girls Vacation
I just returned from a fabulous girls trip to Santa Fe. Lucky for me, I have another one mid-summer as well with another group. The more I talk to girlfriends who take vacations with their friends, the more I realize there’s a common thread of annoyances among us. Here’s the top 10 things to NOT do on your next girls trip (especially if you want to be invited back next year.)
1) Don’t be cheap. There’s a world of difference between frugal and cheap. When everyone else has bought a round of drinks, don’t decide you’re suddenly not thirsty when it’s your turn. Don’t try and nickel and dime the group either. If you eat out, just split the bill. If you don’t want to spend money on something, such as a massage, then don’t. Just don’t make it everyone else’s problem by complaining you have no one to hang out with while all your other girlfriends are relaxing at the spa.
2) Don’t sweat the small stuff. Whether your group consists of 3 girlfriends or 10, it’s hard for everyone to be happy with every decision the group makes. You may not love the restaurant chosen, you may not be thrilled with the spa times. Someone has made an effort to herd the flock into making a decision. It’s made, deal with it. Furthermore, when it comes to making a decision, don’t say you don’t care and then bitch once a decision is made.
3)Don’t come without cash. No one wants to stop at the bank five times because you’ve only extracted $40. Take out enough money for the entire trip so you don’t have to inconvenience the rest of us. Unless you’re lucky like me and can rely on your girlfriends to be your personal banker. (Thanks Indie & Jackie!)
4)Don’t be passive. No one wants to be in charge the entire time. Don’t be the lazy bitch who lays back waiting for everyone else to make decisions. Take ownership of one piece of the trip and work it out for the rest. Remember, this trip is for you to take a vacation from your real life and party with your friends. It’s not an excuse for you remove yourself from reality and rely on everyone else to take care of you.
5)Don’t talk about your husband and kids the whole time. These are a few of the top reasons we go away with our girlfriends in the first place: to forget about our families and responsibilities for just a little while and to think of nothing else but ourselves. If I have to listen to you yap about them the entire time, I rather stay home.
6)Don’t burden your friends. When I’m on my girls trip, I want to do what’s good for me, when it’s good for me. For as long as I feel like it, without strings attached. So if you’re fried at the pool and I want to catch more rays, just go off alone. Don’t try to convince me to leave with you. We don’t have to be attached at the hip. Thanks.
7)Don’t assume everyone would be potentially good girls-trip comrades. This point goes back to my “Saturday Night Worthy” post. It’s one thing to spend an evening with a girlfriend. It’s another thing to consider sharing a room with her. There’s only so many girls I can even imagine traveling with. If you're not sure if she's girls-trip worthy, include her on your next overnight trip. Don't kill your whole vacation to learn you were wrong.
8)Don’t judge. It’s amazing what you learn about your girlfriends while you’re away. One may hoard the bacon and another may flirt incessantly with cute boys. It’s all part of the experience but probably not what she does on a normal basis. No one needs to hear your critical catty comments. Let her have her fun. Letting loose is what it’s all about.
9) Don’t be high-maintenance. Stop asking what we’re doing next. Stop checking out your hair. Stop asking me if you have the right clothes on. Stop relying on me to help you make decisions. It doesn’t matter what time we finish what we’re doing nor do we need to plan every minute of the day. Relax. That’s the whole point. If you need a formal agenda, feel free to write that up yourself. Just don’t hold me to it.
The last and golden rule is:
10)Don’t tell your other friends how great your girls trip was. Breaking this rule is a sure-fire way to alienate your friends who were not included. Furthermore, when they hear how much fun you had, they’ll expect to be included the next time. The same is true for husbands. Surely your man can live a long, happy life without knowing all the details. Plus, you’re friends probably don’t want you spilling the beans to your husband. I know it can be a hard rule to live by, but just remember the old adage “whatever happens in Vegas…”.
Anyone disagree?
1) Don’t be cheap. There’s a world of difference between frugal and cheap. When everyone else has bought a round of drinks, don’t decide you’re suddenly not thirsty when it’s your turn. Don’t try and nickel and dime the group either. If you eat out, just split the bill. If you don’t want to spend money on something, such as a massage, then don’t. Just don’t make it everyone else’s problem by complaining you have no one to hang out with while all your other girlfriends are relaxing at the spa.
2) Don’t sweat the small stuff. Whether your group consists of 3 girlfriends or 10, it’s hard for everyone to be happy with every decision the group makes. You may not love the restaurant chosen, you may not be thrilled with the spa times. Someone has made an effort to herd the flock into making a decision. It’s made, deal with it. Furthermore, when it comes to making a decision, don’t say you don’t care and then bitch once a decision is made.
3)Don’t come without cash. No one wants to stop at the bank five times because you’ve only extracted $40. Take out enough money for the entire trip so you don’t have to inconvenience the rest of us. Unless you’re lucky like me and can rely on your girlfriends to be your personal banker. (Thanks Indie & Jackie!)
4)Don’t be passive. No one wants to be in charge the entire time. Don’t be the lazy bitch who lays back waiting for everyone else to make decisions. Take ownership of one piece of the trip and work it out for the rest. Remember, this trip is for you to take a vacation from your real life and party with your friends. It’s not an excuse for you remove yourself from reality and rely on everyone else to take care of you.
5)Don’t talk about your husband and kids the whole time. These are a few of the top reasons we go away with our girlfriends in the first place: to forget about our families and responsibilities for just a little while and to think of nothing else but ourselves. If I have to listen to you yap about them the entire time, I rather stay home.
6)Don’t burden your friends. When I’m on my girls trip, I want to do what’s good for me, when it’s good for me. For as long as I feel like it, without strings attached. So if you’re fried at the pool and I want to catch more rays, just go off alone. Don’t try to convince me to leave with you. We don’t have to be attached at the hip. Thanks.
7)Don’t assume everyone would be potentially good girls-trip comrades. This point goes back to my “Saturday Night Worthy” post. It’s one thing to spend an evening with a girlfriend. It’s another thing to consider sharing a room with her. There’s only so many girls I can even imagine traveling with. If you're not sure if she's girls-trip worthy, include her on your next overnight trip. Don't kill your whole vacation to learn you were wrong.
8)Don’t judge. It’s amazing what you learn about your girlfriends while you’re away. One may hoard the bacon and another may flirt incessantly with cute boys. It’s all part of the experience but probably not what she does on a normal basis. No one needs to hear your critical catty comments. Let her have her fun. Letting loose is what it’s all about.
9) Don’t be high-maintenance. Stop asking what we’re doing next. Stop checking out your hair. Stop asking me if you have the right clothes on. Stop relying on me to help you make decisions. It doesn’t matter what time we finish what we’re doing nor do we need to plan every minute of the day. Relax. That’s the whole point. If you need a formal agenda, feel free to write that up yourself. Just don’t hold me to it.
The last and golden rule is:
10)Don’t tell your other friends how great your girls trip was. Breaking this rule is a sure-fire way to alienate your friends who were not included. Furthermore, when they hear how much fun you had, they’ll expect to be included the next time. The same is true for husbands. Surely your man can live a long, happy life without knowing all the details. Plus, you’re friends probably don’t want you spilling the beans to your husband. I know it can be a hard rule to live by, but just remember the old adage “whatever happens in Vegas…”.
Anyone disagree?
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Lucky me
I’m not easily fooled. I read between the lines and know what you’re hiding. I can read your facial expressions and know what you’re not telling me. You can’t bullshit a bullshitter. But apparently, you can pull a surprise party over on me!
Surprise parties are the best kind of parties. There’s no involvement on the recipient’s end. Everything is handled for you. You get to show up and just enjoy. You get the honor of being celebrated. You get to bask in the love of your friends. You get to dance around like a wild woman and not worry about being judged. You get to sit at the head of the table and make toasts. You’re allowed to get mushy and tell your friends how much you love them twenty times. You get to blow out the birthday candles (Unless your cake has sparklers, thank you very much!). You get to eat a beautiful cake. (Unless someone drops it and then there's a second beautiful cake!) You get to open wonderful surprises in beautifully wrapped bags. It’s a wonderful thing.
The beauty of a party in your honor is while your friends are celebrating you, you can celebrate your friends. There’s no better feeling than in knowing how much time, energy, thought, effort, and love was all put forth for you. I’m so very lucky for my dear, wonderful friends who took the time from their very busy lives to make me feel so incredibly special. I’m so very lucky for my dear, wonderful husband who has redeemed himself from spilling the beans at my 30th birthday surprise twenty feet away from the door. I’m just so very lucky for you, and you know who you are. Thank you.
Surprise parties are the best kind of parties. There’s no involvement on the recipient’s end. Everything is handled for you. You get to show up and just enjoy. You get the honor of being celebrated. You get to bask in the love of your friends. You get to dance around like a wild woman and not worry about being judged. You get to sit at the head of the table and make toasts. You’re allowed to get mushy and tell your friends how much you love them twenty times. You get to blow out the birthday candles (Unless your cake has sparklers, thank you very much!). You get to eat a beautiful cake. (Unless someone drops it and then there's a second beautiful cake!) You get to open wonderful surprises in beautifully wrapped bags. It’s a wonderful thing.
The beauty of a party in your honor is while your friends are celebrating you, you can celebrate your friends. There’s no better feeling than in knowing how much time, energy, thought, effort, and love was all put forth for you. I’m so very lucky for my dear, wonderful friends who took the time from their very busy lives to make me feel so incredibly special. I’m so very lucky for my dear, wonderful husband who has redeemed himself from spilling the beans at my 30th birthday surprise twenty feet away from the door. I’m just so very lucky for you, and you know who you are. Thank you.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Saturday Night Worthy
We all have different friends for different types of fun or activities. Some girlfriends are great to share a laugh over the National Inquirer's bathing suit issue. Some girlfriends are great listeners and some give good advice. Some can lament with you about your husband's last annoying argument and others you don't bother to share it with at all. Some are great shopping with because she can go at the same speed or has the same taste as you and enjoys spending hours in the dressing room with you, critiquing each other's outfit.
Each girlfriend serves her purpose as your friend (otherwise, we wouldn't bother with them) and some fulfill more than one need. Usually, the more your friends are "good" for, the better friends with them you become.
But then there's a friendship criteria that seems to rise above the rest. It's the final "test" question of how much you like your girlfriend--is she Saturday Night Worthy (SNW)? Though not many will admit it as readily as I, some of your girlfriends that you love Sunday through Thursday just do not cut it when it comes to girls night out on Saturday. And of course, you can't share with her the fact that you just don't deem her SNW. She may be a quality candidate for a Friday night happy hour or a Sunday afternoon film and lite bite. But SNW has much higher expectations.
But we all have girlfriends not SNW. Maybe it's her two-decades-behind hairstyle or outfit. Perhaps a bit superficial but that is a detractor for a good-looking group of girls looking to cut the rope line at a Saturday Night hotspot. But more importantly, it's probably her too-uptight attitude like when a man checks her out and she runs in the other direction. Most often, especially for the 30 and up crowd, the queen of the NOT SNW girlfriends is the one who corners their other friends in a bar to share a cute story about what their darling little child did on the toilet the other day.
I don't want to hear complaining about "what time are we going to get home" nor "How much did that drink cost?" or "I'm tired. I've got to get up with the kids at 6am." I don't want to go out for a "nice" dinner and have sweet conversations such as"Have you tried the wonderful new lean cuisine?" or "did you see that new time-out trick on SuperNanny last night?"and be home by 9:30. I do that Monday through Friday, thank you.
My point is that for whatever the reason, these girlfriends are best left at home. Maybe I'm just getting old and craggy but my Saturday nights out with my girlfriends are few and far between. They're precious girl-time for me. I don't want to talk about my own kids for a few hours, so you can expect I certainly don't want to talk about yours! I want to get dressed up, feel fabulous and young (ish); kick up my heels and hit the dance floor with my girlfriends. I want gritty girl talk and I want to be completely honest. I just can't do that with girls not SNW.
I want to be me for a few hours. Not a daughter or wife or mother. For a few blissful hours I want to be fun and fancy free Tracy. It's the girls that just don't know how to have fun that are not deemed SNW. We're all happy or happily married. We just want to have fun, let our hair down and party like it's 1999. It's not a big request. It seems rather simple.
However, I found myself getting bogged down, weighted down actually, when I had to drag along a friend-of-a-friend or one of my own not SNW friends on my Saturday night who quite frankly, is a bore. Boring may be too strong a word so perhaps "pleasant" is more succinct. After enough times of having a pleasant time out, I decided to call it quits. I only want to go out with my girlfriends that I've deemed SNW. Everyone else will have to try to book me the other six nights of the week.
Not that there's actually a list of criteria one must pass to be on my SNW "list". It's just one of those known things. I know I'm not the only gal who feels this way either. My friend Julie calls it the "edge factor". She doesn't want to be friends with just "nice." People have to have some "edge" to them. We always laugh that even though we really can't define that word ourselves, we just know it when we see it in someone. It must exist because whenever we've met a new person who had "edge", we both would recognize it immediately. The same can be said about SNW. My friend Andrea gets that too and we're almost always on the same page about it
I'm not saying I'll never do anything with those girls ever on a Saturday night. Of course I will. But when it comes to planning my girls night out, I'm pretty strict on reviewing my SNW list and checking it twice. I know some girls think I'm a bitch about it. Maybe it's not one of my best personality traits but I'm okay with that.
Each girlfriend serves her purpose as your friend (otherwise, we wouldn't bother with them) and some fulfill more than one need. Usually, the more your friends are "good" for, the better friends with them you become.
But then there's a friendship criteria that seems to rise above the rest. It's the final "test" question of how much you like your girlfriend--is she Saturday Night Worthy (SNW)? Though not many will admit it as readily as I, some of your girlfriends that you love Sunday through Thursday just do not cut it when it comes to girls night out on Saturday. And of course, you can't share with her the fact that you just don't deem her SNW. She may be a quality candidate for a Friday night happy hour or a Sunday afternoon film and lite bite. But SNW has much higher expectations.
But we all have girlfriends not SNW. Maybe it's her two-decades-behind hairstyle or outfit. Perhaps a bit superficial but that is a detractor for a good-looking group of girls looking to cut the rope line at a Saturday Night hotspot. But more importantly, it's probably her too-uptight attitude like when a man checks her out and she runs in the other direction. Most often, especially for the 30 and up crowd, the queen of the NOT SNW girlfriends is the one who corners their other friends in a bar to share a cute story about what their darling little child did on the toilet the other day.
I don't want to hear complaining about "what time are we going to get home" nor "How much did that drink cost?" or "I'm tired. I've got to get up with the kids at 6am." I don't want to go out for a "nice" dinner and have sweet conversations such as"Have you tried the wonderful new lean cuisine?" or "did you see that new time-out trick on SuperNanny last night?"and be home by 9:30. I do that Monday through Friday, thank you.
My point is that for whatever the reason, these girlfriends are best left at home. Maybe I'm just getting old and craggy but my Saturday nights out with my girlfriends are few and far between. They're precious girl-time for me. I don't want to talk about my own kids for a few hours, so you can expect I certainly don't want to talk about yours! I want to get dressed up, feel fabulous and young (ish); kick up my heels and hit the dance floor with my girlfriends. I want gritty girl talk and I want to be completely honest. I just can't do that with girls not SNW.
I want to be me for a few hours. Not a daughter or wife or mother. For a few blissful hours I want to be fun and fancy free Tracy. It's the girls that just don't know how to have fun that are not deemed SNW. We're all happy or happily married. We just want to have fun, let our hair down and party like it's 1999. It's not a big request. It seems rather simple.
However, I found myself getting bogged down, weighted down actually, when I had to drag along a friend-of-a-friend or one of my own not SNW friends on my Saturday night who quite frankly, is a bore. Boring may be too strong a word so perhaps "pleasant" is more succinct. After enough times of having a pleasant time out, I decided to call it quits. I only want to go out with my girlfriends that I've deemed SNW. Everyone else will have to try to book me the other six nights of the week.
Not that there's actually a list of criteria one must pass to be on my SNW "list". It's just one of those known things. I know I'm not the only gal who feels this way either. My friend Julie calls it the "edge factor". She doesn't want to be friends with just "nice." People have to have some "edge" to them. We always laugh that even though we really can't define that word ourselves, we just know it when we see it in someone. It must exist because whenever we've met a new person who had "edge", we both would recognize it immediately. The same can be said about SNW. My friend Andrea gets that too and we're almost always on the same page about it
I'm not saying I'll never do anything with those girls ever on a Saturday night. Of course I will. But when it comes to planning my girls night out, I'm pretty strict on reviewing my SNW list and checking it twice. I know some girls think I'm a bitch about it. Maybe it's not one of my best personality traits but I'm okay with that.
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